I derive great joy from sleeping in. To be honest, till the sun shines high up in the sky.

One of the simplest ‘high’ I get during my singleton / pre-baby days was to be able to go to bed at midnight on Friday night and sleeping in till it was close to noon on Saturday.

How many hours is that? I lost count.

This joy is now in-existent since baby arrived. Period. 

I now count my lucky stars when I get stretch of 5 hours sleep.

When Dean was under a month-old, he was on BM (breast milk) exclusively (thanks and no thanks to my very insistent confinement nanny – another tale to be shared in the future), I was direct latching him and he was demanding for milk feeds every 2 hours.

This basically meant I get almost zero sleep.

I wasn’t given the chance to pump and store due to confinement nanny’s insistence on direct latch saying that it helps mummy to get back in shape faster blah blah. Which is just nonsense now that I looked back on it.

I believe getting enough sleep and rest is much more important to keep the new-mummy sane and provide better welfare to the newborn vs direct latching and getting all pent up due to the lack of sleep.

Anyways, it scares me how the lack of sleep can make me morph into such an angry person and the birth of irrational thoughts.

I have to confess (not proud) Dean has been subjected to my irrational anger. I have smacked his thighs and arms till there were red marks (which went away after a couple of minutes) and after each incident, I get awfully guilty that as his mother, I have been so impatient with him.

Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have faulted him as he still an infant and is incapable of conveying his feelings to me fully. He can only make known to us adults his discomfort or displeasure through his cries.

However, all these rational logic gets thrown out of the window when I’m woken up from my slumber multiple times in the dead of the night or when he stares at me wide-eyed at 5am in the wee morning.

He is turning 10 months old soon, and managing longer stretches of sleep each night. It is almost a far cry from the early infant days. However should he catches a bug (Buddha forbid), the 2 hours sleep cycle comes back with a vengeance (like now where he is combating a viral fever).

I envy parents of babies who sleep through the night since they were 2 weeks old. But I also know every baby is different.

Happy and healthy. That is all I asked and prayed for Dean.

Side note: I took a cab back one fine evening with Dean in tow. The cab driver commented that babies only eat and sleep. Outwardly, I just managed a force smile. Inwardly, I wanted to box him.

Try my baby. Yeah, my baby who doesn’t take naps.